Welcome to the forum Salley.
As you have quickly discovered, J.W.'s and their organization have two faces - one of piety and self-righteousness for the world to see, and the other which screams 'cult.'
One of their favourite scriptures is John
13:35 - "By this all will know that you are my
disciples - if you have love among yourselves.”
However, in practice this is translated as "if you have conformity among yourselves.”
Rank & file JW's are positively fearful and forbidden from openly voicing any concerns about their dictatorship's interpretations or practices.
Thankfully, active apostates are more common than suicides.